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In some things, I have more patience than others. But waiting... I really try to look at the good to come, but I am too much of a realist. And the reality is that things rarely turn out the best. You settle. It is how you settle that sets my nerves on edge. Waiting to heal. Waiting for friends to follow through with promises. Waiting for friends to heal. Waiting for the next event. Waiting for family to come home or spend time with you. Waiting. But, I am being randomly cryptic. Less to say, I am feeling lonely - and somehow scared that as before all the new friends I've recently made will soon be no more than kind acquaintances I only see once a year, and old friends have moved on to find more fun people to share their time with than someone who is often so ill.
I am also disappointed in myself as I look at everything that needs to be done. Promises made - pictures, gifts, interviews owed to the kindest and most patient people that I cherish as friends and who deserve better of me. Things I need to do at home, feeling like I deserve better of myself. It is easy to be overwhelmed. I want to cry. I feel that all I give is excuses... to others, and to myself.
So, anyways, enough crying.
I'm going on hiatus from commissions for a year or two. I have my own to-do list. Mostly, it's playing catch-up, but I prefer to look at it as healing. Maybe people will not care, have already given up on me and my promises. I have not given up on myself. I will stop taking in new things, and just start organizing those already due. Projects I dreamed of ever since moving to the new house. It's time to heal - to let go of the limitations, and rediscover my strength. I am slow, but I have not stopped... nor shall I. I must take breaks, but I must move on when they are over and cherish the health I have. I must not begrudge my job, and find time between the working hours to do the little things that leave me with something substantial to be proud of. For once in my life, I need to stop feeling guilty and put myself first - quit feeling left behind, and start doing for others not because I owe them, but because I enjoy making them smile... as it was once upon a time.
Random journal is random. Just needed to say some things.
I am working on my Halloween costume, inspired by another deviant and admired makeup artist: *sweetgreychaos
My bloody ragdoll will be one of the first true horror costumes I've ever done for Halloween, and I will be sure to take pictures. I hope everyone enjoys the art and frights. Meanwhile, enjoy this thumb and explore the gallery of an amazing makeup artist and inspiration.
CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
Background image by ~AF-studios
Brushes by ~SummerAIR